4 Rules To Live A Life Filled With Peace, Joy, & Meaningful Connections
Over the past 10 years, I have:
- Almost died twice
- Moved cities more than 12 times (inside and outside my country)
- Changed dozens of jobs and a few career paths
- Got to compete professionally in MMA and be at the top in my country
- Stayed loyal to me, made risky decisions, and started all over again three times (and counting)
All these things have taught me a tremendous amount about what truly matters in life and what doesn’t, about the true essence of living and self-development.
And I want to share them with you.
These are my new 4 rules for life:
Rule #1 — Be Self Aware
Developing self-awareness is crucial for anything else you want to improve in yourself.
This is the foundation of self-development.
You can improve in any area in your life only after you develop self-awareness at a high level.
You need to recognize what makes you feel how you feel to be able to prevent it the next time it comes.
You need to be aware of your thinking patterns to change your mindset.
You need to be aware of your triggers to solve your undesirable instinctual actions.
Without self-awareness, you won’t be able to take responsibility for your life, become a better human and reach success because you see the blame only in others (more about blame in rule #4).
Rule #2 — No Assumptions
We assume things all day long, but when it ruins our relationships or brings negative emotions, it’s a big problem.
Especially when there is no base for those assumptions other than our interpretations.
Our interpretations are subjective anyway, so why not choose the right ones for a better reality?
So, before you assume things in a situation, be aware that it’s your assumption and not necessarily the truth.
I’ll give you an example:
Two days ago, my sister wrote me a message saying, “can you visit mom tomorrow? she doesn’t feel very well and needs company.”
My first interpretation of it was that she was trying to control me. She doesn’t suppose to intervene in my and my mom’s relationship. If she wants, she could go there.
So I answered, “I’ll try,” in a cold way.
But then, I noticed my reaction and how I interpreted the situation (it took me a few minutes).
I realized it happens that way because of past experiences with her.
Still, it doesn’t need to reflect on every conversation we have.
So I changed my interpretation of it to:
‘my sister cares so much about my mom, and she trusts me the most to tell me that she needs me, I don’t must do anything, but I can try to do my best.’
It had three meaningful outcomes:
- It improved how I felt at the moment, which created momentum for the entire day and improved my health and well-being.
- It improved my relationship with my sister because of how I chose to perceive her.
- It improved my relationship with my mom because it changed my view from antagonism to compassion and understanding.
Rule #3 — Expect Nothing
‘Expectation’ is the belief that something will or should happen.
It means that the more you expect something to occur, the more you believe it will.
But what makes you believe that something will happen in the future in a specific way (your way)?
Well, I’ve got the answer to that.
It’s the need for control.
Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens. — Epictetus.
It’s easier for us to convince ourselves that something good will happen as it should and continue with our lives happily and peacefully, Without a true correlation with reality.
What it does is that when the future arrives, and things happen differently than they “should,” we get disappointed and frustrated.
So, Let reality be as it is, do what’s in your control to raise the chances of making it better, and consider all options ahead.
Other than that, let it be.
Rule #4 — Blame No One
Ohh.. the victimizing mindset that I love so much.
The moment I became an adult was when I took responsibility for my life and stopped victimizing.
Remember the control part?
Exactly.
Blaming others will get you nothing but a collection of negative feelings to party with.
When someone does something awful to you, what’s the best you can do that is in your control to do?
If you could prevent it, you would (in retrospect, we’re all geniuses).
Can you make it better? Please do so.
If not -
Can you learn for the next time and continue with your life stronger and wiser? That’s probably your best choice.
So what is it in blaming others other than an excuse to be weak and take a step back from life because you got hurt and sad?
In conclusion:
- Implement rule #1 (self-awareness) to implement the other three rules.
- When you notice that you assume something, try to change your interpretation of it until you clear that out (if at all).
- When you see that you have expectations from something or someone, ask yourself if it’s in your control. If not, let go.
- Notice when the ‘victim demon’ try to hold you back without any good reason and break free from it by turning on ‘solving mode.’
Our life is finite and precious.
Live it well.
